he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
