I got chris browned last night
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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