Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
