i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
being pregnant is like rehab
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
What happened to fro yo and sex?
he high fived his dick after we had sex
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
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