now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
i would punch a child for taco bell
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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