STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
