when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Randomize
