I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
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My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
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The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I'm getting married
To pizza
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
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