kristin has been a bad kristin
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Randomize
