my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
