I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
