Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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