there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
