I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
You're a waste of cheezeits
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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