THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
