Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
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Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
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Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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