what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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