im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
