brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
