If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
