I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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