this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
