Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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