Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I skipped work to stalk him.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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