My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
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