I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
