does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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