Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
i would punch a child for taco bell
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
