Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
