There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Randomize
