It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
