This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
