words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
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