Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Randomize
