Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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