she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
