how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Randomize
