I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
