There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize
