Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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