i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
