I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
