GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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