I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
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Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
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In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
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