I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
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