you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
So vagazzling was a success
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
