She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
