I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
