yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize
