I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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