he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Randomize
