i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Randomize
