Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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