Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
