the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
