Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
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