Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
