we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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