FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
