Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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