the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Just invented taco cereal.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Randomize
